8 Easy Steps

After the longest 3-hour work day of the summer so far, I'm sitting here watching an episode of Daria and sipping a coconut iced coffee while pondering my next storyline. Today I worked with someone who has the charismatic, magnetic personality and all the ambition of a towel rack. So I spent the day running out of coffee and looking around for my invisible towel rack co-worker while simultaniously running out of change and wittling down a never-ending line out the door of customers. My hands shook. I spilled copious amounts of sticky beverages on myself, and burnt my fingertips.

Seriously. Wtf?

In between and during all of that, I came up with this. Enjoy.

How to Piss Off Your Co-Worker in 8 Easy Steps:
1. Talk on your cellphone. Always. If you're not talking, be texting.
2. Take your time. With everything.
3. Don't wear the required uniform in the required way so your co-workers look like shitheads.
4. Wait until there's an overwhelming amount of customers to tend to. Then disappear.
5. Invite your friends to talk to you during work. And then forget you have a job to do at all.
6. Find something important to clean every time a difficult regular shows up.
7. Ask what kind of music your co-worker hates. Then tune the radio to precisely that type of music.
8. Punch out before all the work for the day is done, leaving your co-worker with the rest.

This is all the shit I've had done to me, and have in turn started to do to the ones who deserve it.

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best