Diet of the Week

You know what's fun? Diets.

You know what's even more fun? Involuntary diets.

I'm on a diet this week that must be just fabulous for quick weight loss.

It's called the Scarf-in-the-Toaster Diet. Here's how it works:
Step 1: Live in a dorm with a common kitchen.
Step 2: Be a slob. Especially in the kitchen. You spill some sauce on the counter? Leave it there! Dirty dishes? Fuck that, just stick 'em in the sink and forget about it. After all, we have people who come in and clean. They can do it!
note: Actually, you don't even need to be the slob. You just need to live in the same building and use the same kitchin as the slob - the results will be the same.
Step 3: Do something retarded like stick a scarf in the toaster after getting 2 warnings about abuse of the kitchen.
note: As before, you don't actually need to do it, just use the same kitchen as the person who does it.
Step 4: The kitchen gets shut down.

Add in some mid-term stress and all-nighters and here is your...

Result: You eat the food you have that doesn't need to be heated (for me: yogurt, fruit, ice cream, cookies, jelly beans, pop tarts, banana chips) food that gives you diahrrea (i.e. the cafeteria sauce and broth which seems to be overly acidic; food from McDonald's, which is cheap and the only thing available within a 5 mile radius at 11 at night). And you're not sleeping a hell of a lot.

I swear I'm losing 10 pounds just from typing this... and it's only been 3 days!