Would you like anything else with that coffee?

... Like a bitch slap, maybe?

So, picture this. I'm working at a well-known coffee empire, on which America runs, apparently. I've been there for about a week and I just finished training. Every day I've worked this classy young lady comes in, who looks like she could use a stint in rehab as well as a 4-hour shower. Sometimes she comes in with her hunk of a boyfriend ( a hunk of what, I'll leave to your imagination). I worked Sunday morning from 7 to 12 and I had just gone on break when Miss Class showed up. As soon as I saw her I felt a perplexing combination of relief that I didn't have to serve her and guilt because my sweetheart of a co-worker, Sam, who is also fairly new, had to take her.

This is how it went down.

Girl: "I'll have a small ice coffee."
Sam: "Regular?"
Girl: (points to me) "That girl knows how to make it."
[Keep in mind that A: I've never made this chick's coffee before and B: I'm on break. So I just shrug and smile as I take a bite out of the bagel I just grabbed for my breakfast.]
Girl: (to Sam) "Well, I want a lot, a lot of cream, like six sugars, melted, but when you melt it you gotta pour it between two cups. And I only want a little bit of ice."
Sam: *blinks* "Excuse me?"
[Keep in mind that an ice coffee is basically hot coffee with a shitload of ice poured into it to cool it down. And it's usually very simple to prepare.]

So, there's a line of people behind this wonderful customer and poor Sam is sitting there looking like a mad scientist mixing a new formula as she's trying to make this overly-complicated coffee. She ends up having to remake it several times after the girl taste-tests it and insists Sam didn't make it right. Then when it's finally done like 10 years later, the chick pays in change, mentos, and pocket lint and doesn't even throw a penny in the tip cup.

And that's just one of the pains in the ass that comes in daily. Then there's the guy that orders like 4 smoothies and 6 colattas, among others. I pitty the poor bastard who comes in for a small black coffee and has to wait behind one of these douchebags.

Cheers, mates.